About Me

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So, most of my OCs are up here because where I rp at doesn't allow me to post them up which is lame. They're all here except for the ones on the site. I have a YouTube channel that's mostly gaming and I don't have a specific theme like most people which is usually Minecraft, CoD, horror, pixel, or simulation games. Me? I just do whatever I feel like playing...and what I can afford. YouTube is the same name if you didn't know.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

The value of friendship

Fragile Dreams: Farewell to the Moon.

This game always gets to me no matter how many times I watch it. I want the game, but I don't think I would be able to play it without crying.

You play as a young boy named Seto. Seto is alone after his guardian passes away from old age. The world is empty showing that it's an apocalypse; only without zombies.

There is so much character death, but each character that either dies or is dead, you become attached (even if that person is a jerk when you first meet them). One of the characters I became really attached to because he would recite some book he read to Seto after having Seto chase him around. They became friends after that in such a cute way.


Later, Seto arrives at some dam after going through a hotel meeting his new companion named Sai who happens to be a ghost and died in the hotel. The two go through the dam and both enter a room. Doll parts are every where and in the middle of the room is Crow in a sitting position. It turns out that Crow is a doll and not a person! His battery is going to expire and he and Seto have their last moments together. Seto cries calling Crow his best friend. The whole scene just kills me on the inside at what Seto says at the end of the cut scene before it goes to another one.

The scene I just talked about


Crow has to be one of my favorite characters Seto meets on his journey Seriously, I can't just not cry when this scene happens. It shows how much we should value our friendships and never take them for granted.

"I hurt, I tire, and I collapse. When I'm staring into the darkness, I find myself somehow entranced by it. Suddenly, I hear laughter. Fearless, mean, and yet kind. It calls to me. The days we spent together are long gone, drifting away like clouds in the breeze. Even though memories are often fleeting, all I need to do is close my eyes and your face appears, clear and forever young." -Seto; Fragile Dreams: Farewell to the Moon

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My story

I fear of being alone. It's my worst fear. All of it goes back to the feeling of being abandoned; the memory of watching my own father walking out.

It's my background, my story, that my friends and family are aware of. At the age of eight, nearing the age of nine (around this time which is near my birthday), I had gotten home from school with my dad. Most of it is a blur after that until night came around. I had finished homework and was watching television. He was moving boxes and taking things out to his blue truck. Back then, I didn't understand that a married couple, parents, could walk away from their relationship. My English bulldog, Popcorn, would follow him in and out the door as he kept moving things. I would casually go to the door to see what he was doing. This kept going until my mom came home around 11 p.m. My own father told me that he was going to leave for a bit. I thought he was coming back. All I can remember after that was the door closing in front of me and my mother; leaving us in tears. It finally dawned on me that he had left and wasn't coming back.

For years, I went through a deep depression. My mother didn't show much affection towards me, so I started to have an attachment issue. The two of us would get into fights which ended up with me crying and remembering that night of when he left us. It was difficult for me to pull myself out of the hole I was put in. My father and I started to talk after a while and he started to send money here and there when he could. I was constantly moving as a child as well since my mother couldn't fully support us.

During middle school, I had faked my first two years of being happy just like I had done before. Pretending to be happy just to have my mother not worry or have other people worry about me. Go to school, pretend to be happy, then come home to be greeted by silence. My mother always went to work when I was in school and wasn't there when I got off. I no longer had any pets greeting me home, nor the greeting of a father to take care of his child. It wasn't until I met my best friend Kui. We found a common ground of our interest in manga and anime. Our friendship took off from there and we've been friends since then even though we don't talk as much as we used to. She pulled me half way out of my hole and I am thankful for that.

High school came around and I had met previous friends from elementary school and middle school. Freshman year, I was still hurting. I couldn't talk about the painful memory without crying. In English class, I talked about it and ended up crying. It was from that moment that I had to learn how to cry silently. Crying silently was a way to make sure others didn't see me hurt or in pain emotionally. I don't want others to worry about me. Sophomore year, I wrote one of my essays on my father. Even after he had left us, I didn't want to lose him because we still talked and it made me happy just to the fact that I could even talk to him; to hear his voice. It was hard, but I still cried in the end. Then, junior year came around. I bonded more with my best friend LeeAnna, who I have known since the fifth grade, and started to come out of my shell of hiding the pain. My interests started to show more towards others such as visiting China, Thailand, Japan, South Korea, etc. LeeAnna had found a site called Interpals where you could talk with other people across the world. I took this opportunity to make friends in other countries; especially in South Korea. I looked around and found a guy from Busan, South Korea, who I'll call Jongii from this point on. He and I started to talk and bond quickly. Jongii always cheered me up during our three month friendship. When I felt sad, he was there to cheer me up. We met in April of 2012, but then Jongii had to leave on June 21, 2012. He never said why he had to leave, but I have a good idea of what it is. In the message, he told me that he would be back in two years. As of today, it's been almost one year and I haven't forgotten about him. Jongii was the person who fully pulled me out of my hole even though we never met in person. In a short amount of time, Jongii became a close friend of mine who I still care about even today. I'll still be here waiting for him, but for now, I'll open up more and face the facts.

It's my senior year now. I don't cry over my story anymore. My friends are there for me and I know that waiting will pay off even if it'll be a long time. Even if I'm strong, I still fear of being alone; being abandoned. No child should watch their own father/mother walk out on them. It scars them mentally and there could be a chance that they'll never heal. My relationship with my father is the same only I do get mad at him. We text, but never call, so I've forgotten his voice at this point. I can't even imagine it. Thankfully, he'll be attending my graduation later this year, so the memory of his voice will ring in my mind. All of this has shaped me into a person with a strange personality, but with a mature attitude towards many things.